Daycare

Amelia started daycare on August 18th.  I was a complete mess. As any mom knows, it was extremely hard to leave her in the care of others. Strangers to me and her. I know they have plenty of experience but they don't have experience with our daughter. She was half asleep when we brought her and as soon as we laid her down in the crib she opened her eyes and looked up right at us. It was so heartbreaking. It was so hard for me to walk out that door and get in the car. Back at work, eyes puffy, all I kept thinking of was her and if she was okay. We called a few times to check in and see how she was doing.

I was also able to go in and see her at my lunch break. She cried when I held her and all I wanted to do was take her back with me.  3 more hours to go, but it felt like an eternity. When it was time to pick her up, I held her, hugged, and kissed her standing in the infant room and felt a sense of relief.  I blocked out everything around me, it was just me and her. I left that day knowing that I would have to go through this day after day. This is not easy.

Now a couple weeks later, I am still uneasy about leaving her there. But I think I would be at any place. I just worry that something bad is going to happen. Every time I drop her off or visit her during lunch, I look for things to worry about.
How long does it take for them to get to a baby that is crying?
Are they rough when picking up and putting down the babies?
Do they force them to finish bottles?
Why are they putting mommy's t-shirt close to baby's face?
Are they really telling me the truth about how much she eats?

I can go on and on at things that I question when there. I think it is making me absolutely crazy. And to top it all off, when I go in to feed her, she cries and cries and doesn't eat. I worry that I am screwing her up by stopping in and messing up her schedule. I also worry that it is harder on me to keep going in there during lunch and seeing her cry when I hold her. Daycare is just an emotional roller coaster. I can't imagine what I am going to go through when she goes to big kids school. ::sigh::

In a perfect world,  there would be no financial boundaries and I could be a SAHM. ::Daydreams::